Finding Confidence
In my last post, I talked about body positivity and how that lead me to feeling confident in myself. While that was definitely the biggest part of my confidence boost, there were a lot of other moving parts. The way I see it is happiness = confidence. If you aren’t truly happy with your job, your relationships, or yourself you can’t truly be confident.
To put this into better perspective I’ll give you a relatable example. You know how during the holidays you dread your Aunt Carol asking about your love life or your job or your roommate?
That’s lack of confidence in that aspect of your life. If you were confident in these things you’d be excited to share more information about them.
Additionally, confidence = the ability to be happy for others. Jealousy or resentment towards others success is lack of confidence as well. If you were truly happy in your life, you wouldn’t feel threatened by someone else’s success.
Being 100% confident is a lifelong journey. You’ll never stop improving aspects of your life, or yourself for that matter. But you can do something everyday to make yourself feel confident. I’d like to take some time to talk about my favorite ways I boost my confidence. I hope that these will give you ideas to try to make you feel like your best self.
Find Positive Relationships
Maybe this is just my experience, but I’ve had several people in my life who were negative auras. The only things they talked about were problems or drama or gossip. As much as they loved to talk about the problems, they never seemed keen to fix the problem. You would feel bad talking about your success because they were never successful.
Life hack: these people aren’t real friends.
Maybe that sounds harsh, but if you can’t talk about the good AND the bad then what is there to talk about. You can do what you want, but at the end of the day I doubt you’re going to feel like you spent quality time with these people and you’re quickly going to become exhausted. Negative conversations are draining, and when you’re drained you’re not going to feel confident or happy.
Instead of putting effort into a negative relationship, find someone who will always be happy for your success and you happy for them. Find that person who will come eat Chinese with you on New Year’s Eve when you’re all alone. (Yes, that was a Sex and the City reference.)
Find the person that will tell you when you’re overreacting, or when you’re out of line. That person will offer advice, but will always be there after you do the exact opposite. Real friends will never make you feel drained or negative. They’ll lift you up and bring happiness to your life.
In committed relationships you’re looking for the same thing. You should be dating your best friend. If you can’t laugh til you cry at 2 in the afternoon, AND have deep conversations at 2 in the morning then you’re not dating the right person. I’ve said it how many times? But, I’ll say it again: I’m so lucky to have found Scott. I never feel insecure in my relationship. Even from 1,300 miles away I always feel beautiful and loved and happy in my relationship. He let’s me be dramatic, but he always finds the rational side of my feelings and brings me back down to earth.
Find an Aspect of Everyday Life That Makes you Happy
When you get stuck in the routine of a 9-5 job plus household chores, it can be hard to find part of your day that you enjoy. However, this is very important to finding confidence. This thing you enjoy, it needs to be something that is just for you. I understand that doing the dishes is weirdly therapeutic, but is it really beneficial to you and your well-being? Not really.
The thing I look forward to most every single day is doing my makeup. I love seeing the transformation from just rolled out of bed to ready to slay the day. On days when I don’t want to get out of bed I think of a pretty makeup look I could do, and next thing you know I’m in front of the mirror blending my foundation.
Putting on makeup first thing in the morning lets me think about my day ahead, or just zone out and be an artist for a half hour. This part of my day makes me feel confident, and while my family jokes that I take too long to get ready, the reality of it is that this is my time just for myself.
Another part of my day that I really enjoy is my workout. This is the ultimate “me” time. After a day of sitting at my desk it feels so good to get up and move. I can release my built up energy and frustrations and release happy chemicals. This is the best way for me to take care of myself. After a workout my mind is clearer and I’m in a better mood. This is also an activity that you see the progress. I always feel most confident dripping sweat after an intense run or gym session.
Find you “Boss Babe” Outfit
The first 2 parts of this post have been mostly internal: emotional, mindful, psychological. This is the one that’s truly an outward showcase of your confidence. When you wear something you don’t like you’re naturally going to slouch and try to hide it. But, when you wear something you really love you’re going to stand tall and strut like you’re on a Fendi runway.
I have a couple things that make me feel like the best version of myself. One of them being my Coach booties. (Is it a coincidence that these were a gift from Scott?) There’s something about the leather and subtle moto style that make me feel powerful. My favorite pairing of these are with my black skinny jeans for an even more intense “cool girl” vibe.
Another item that makes me feel confident is a good pair of sunglasses. I love a slight cat-eye style that are angular. They’re a harsh silhouette that add some edge to even the preppiest outfit. My favorite pair is from a small boutique called Miscellaneous in downtown Orlando.
